For the record.

I just wanted to make it clear that I am not trying to be witty, clever, amusing, or anything other than real.

This all very real.

Trip.

I am going on a fishing trip very soon.

The anticipation is mounting; it drowns out my angst.

My flyboxes are nearly full.

I recently threw away all of my flies, and I have been tying long and hard to refill my fly boxes.

My boxes are nearly full, again.

I find myself not wanting to go out fishing for fear of losing some of these flies that I have worked so hard tying. They aren't nice flies, in fact many give me the urge to throw everything in the trash again and just give up. Still, I dont want to have to retie flies I have lost on the stream. Why can't I just be content?

I am still alive.

The blackness has not come for me yet.